I have mixed emotions about Valentine’s Day because you should always express your love to the people in your life all the time especially the one you choose to lay next to every night. However, I do love how warm and joyous this holiday can be. I love seeing people in love or doing things for the one they love.
In the modern age of dating and love we find ourselves swiping right and dealing with DM’s. We’ve all heard the horror stories of Tinder and Bumble as my guy friends entertain me with their experience of getting catfished. As I talk to different people regardless of gender, age and background I find that we are all masking the truth, which is that we are all trying to find “our person”. There are many articles, magazines, talk shows and the list just goes on to help women understand men, dating, learning the rules and more but what about our men? Why aren’t there more resources for them to not only understand women (which you may think is nearly impossible) but to learn about dating etiquette. We are so caught up in these new found labels such as “talking, messing around, hanging out” and materialistic expectations that we are forgetting the foundation of what the true components are in love. So in honor of Valentine’s Day, this post is dedicated to my male readers but also to the women who want to be treated right and are told that you have high expectations.
More than ever I have the men in my life ask me how to make the girl they’re dating like them or fall for them. As women, we expect men to read our mind without saying a word and magically become the prince charming we’ve been waiting for. Can we step back a moment before we blame an entire gender of their incompetence to understand us? In our Insta-world all men see is women wanting expensive meals, designer bags and craving the allure of wealth. Do you know how many men I know that are well-off that put in zero effort but they seem to get more women than the guy next door that I think would keep anyone happy? I’m not blaming our gender so no need to bring out the feminist pitch forks, what I’m trying to relay is that we are confusing the shit out of men. I get more questions of “where should I take her for dinner” and “would this bar be up to par for our date” than what they should be asking me. Let me tell you a little secret, she won’t fall in love with you because you took her to Uchi and bought her a Chanel. She may like for that moment but that will die shortly. She won’t feel her heart skip a beat because you bought her a Hermes scarf but forgot to wish her Happy Birthday right on midnight like she expected. If a woman tells you that without those things she won’t be happy with you, then run unless you want to spend the rest of your life with a person who is in love with your bank account.
You think you need to impress her with large gestures and helicopter dates but it’s the small things you do for a woman that mean the most. Why? Because you’re showing her that you’re willing to put effort just for her and it wasn’t the pressure of Valentine’s Day to romance the woman in your life. She didn’t fall in love with you because you brought her Starbucks. She fell in love with you because you woke up and made her coffee as she was getting ready. She didn’t fall in love with you because you spend your nights with her but before she closes her eyes to tell her goodnight with a kiss. She doesn’t fall in love with you just because you share meals with her but before you sit down to eat you ask her if she’d like anything to drink. Compliment her everyday reminding her of the beauty you see. Remember the names of her closet friends to show you’re interested in her entire life and want to be a part of it. Putting effort to get to know her family shows that you see a future with her and you want to know everyone else in her life that loves her. Text her something sweet randomly mid-day. Kiss her on the cheek randomly or hold her hand even if it’s walking from the hostess stand to your table. She didn’t fall in love with you because you said a few funny jokes; she fell in love with you because you make it an effort to make her laugh every day. She fell in love with you because you have a drive and ambition to create a better life for the both of you not because she hopes you’ll be rich. Pay attention to what she likes and base your romantic gestures off that. She’ll fall for you because the things people in her past have told her she’s imperfect for, you’ll tell her how much you love that about her. She will fall in love with you because you’ll show her that she was never difficult to love. She will fall for you because you hold her heart in ways no one has ever done before. There isn’t “one size fits all” to dating so take all these things and customize it to what she would enjoy the most.
At the end of the day we’re all trying to find someone who truly loves and accepts us, for us. Someone who makes us feel what Audrey Hepburn felt every time she went to Tiffany’s. Someone who makes us smile with just the mere thought of them. Someone who loves every bit of us and shines light in the parts of ourselves others threw in the dark. I hope I helped not just for today but for your path to capture the heart that makes yours skip a beat or two.