In 2018 on New Years Eve I was getting ready to go out with my friends to a ballroom party filled with the River Oaks socialites. Entering 2019, I knew I needed to work on myself. I was fresh out of a break up. It was like I was learning to walk again entering the year completely shattered and heartbroken would be a lie. It was the beginning of self-discovery, again. I always wanted to do a trip to Napa so in January 2019 a couple of friends and I went to the trip that I really needed. Julia Roberts went to Italy to eat and drink wine and I went to Napa. The whole year was about traveling and giving cities I once threw to the side because of one bad occurrence another chance. It was the year of kissing a lot of frogs and Mr. VERY Wrong or Mr. Just Right Now. I had given up on love and relationships when I met Mr. Big. 2019 started off on a foot of questioning love, life and my future but it ended with the promise of continuous self-improvement. Oh and a New Year’s kiss tucked away in a corner at very cute french bar in Montreal with Big.
I actually had to FaceTime all my friends and family who were together without me miles away. I thought to myself at the time that this would be my future given Big lives beyond the Mason Dixon Line and hopefully one day I can join him. Little did I know fast forward to March 2020 FaceTiming family and friends is literally the way of life. I was wrong to think 2019 was my Eat, Pray and Love year. 2020 is apparently the surprise lesson that we are all getting.
When Big was here and I had my head lying on his chest I realized we had gone over a hump in our relationship. The time mark that makes everything more real than ever. I held onto him tightly as I knew our moments together were fleeting. To be honest it was the moment that Big walked towards the door of his apartment the last morning I saw him was when I realized that I hadn’t truly given all of my heart to him until that moment. What was it like? It’s a weird looming cloud that has the sun poking out telling you brighter days are yet to come and the moon comforting you that the nights will be rough but will pass. Big is everything and anything I could conjure up if you asked me what my perfect man is. Everything except here physically but I’d rather feel every inch of every mile between us than have anyone else that would love me with 1/8 of what he gives me planets apart. That is the love aspect.
2020 is not only my year of Eat, Pray and Love but it should be yours too. We have all this time to self reflect and really dig deep within the crevices of what makes up our soul. Don’t’ worry I didn’t go to a priest a Bali so you can’t just write this off as some religious ya-ya. I’ve been eating more too but trying to be more conscious. To be honest, eat as you would love. Take and give your body what you think is needed for your own sanity because we all know that this quarantine lifestyle is the playpen for anxiety and depression. Aside from perfecting my chocolate chip receipe I started to pray. I know, shocker. I’m not a religious nut but I’m pretty spiritual. Through all this madness, I figured it was time I started talking to him again, you know God. I just do it for my own sanity, to pray for the people I love and to find some kind of balance through the rain showers that don’t take a moment to sit in the clouds.
2020 is the year of Eat, Pray and Love. If you don’t pray, substitute for something else but I hope you’re stilling eating and loving to your hearts content.
Love 6 ft apart,
The Bengali Belle 