The picture above was taken four years ago. When I look at the girl in that picture and think about where and who I am now it just amazes me how much has changed. Do you ever do that? Look back at old pictures and think about where you were, who you were and what you were like then? Isn’t it almost like seeing a character you don’t know living a life elsewhere? I like to think I’m having a quarter-century crisis, in a good way of course. This year I’ve literally turned my whole life upside down and living life however I feel will make me happy. You’re probably asking, how and what did I do to come to this place?
Well, I think the biggest thing we all tend to forget is that to move forward we can’t keep one foot inside and the other out the door. We think that we can just start fresh and live freely without dealing and coping with our past. You’re not moving on if you don’t deal with your past, you’re just hiding old baggage moving into a new place. The only way you can accept happiness, love, light, laughter and peace into your life is make space for it that is currently being filled up with your past.
Here are ways you can let go and move on:
Let It Go
Things do not just disappear on their own. That hurt you feel from your ex mistreating you? Yeah, that’s not going to go away because you’re trying something new. Make the commitment to really think about anything and everything you are holding on to. I mean both your emotions and belongings. Letting go means you are accepting that you are in a position to make the choice to let it go. Stop reliving the past pain, stop going over details of the story in your head when you think of that person, stop holding on to old letters and belongings and stop holding onto past emotions. What has happened has happened and you can’t change it or go back in time.
I can tell you from personal experience I suck at emotions. If I was in a fairytale, I’d probably be an ice queen. I literally clean and organize or find things to do than sit there and deal with my emotions, I’m working on that. Express the pain, anger, tears, sadness that person made you feel. Don’t be afraid to talk to a therapist. That’s their profession and you’re not crazy for it. People need to stop treating therapy like a disease. If that’s not your thing, vent to a friend or family member or write it down. You can even write a letter to that person and not give it to them but at least you’re expressing what you feel.
Stop playing victim
We don’t live in a world of black and whites so don’t think of the situation as if it’s one sided. You may or may not have the same responsibility for the hurt and pain you experienced. We all like to blame a person, situation, time or even place but stop trying to be the protagonist who is forever the victim. You’re not in a movie! There are things we do to put ourselves in certain situations. You have to accept your own mistakes to move on as well or else you’ll constantly be putting yourself in the same story. Take it as a lesson as what YOU can do differently in the future instead of instantly blaming others 100%.
Forgiveness is Key
No one is telling you to forget another person’s bad behavior but forgiving them is the way to get over what they did. We get so stuck on what people have done that we don’t even fathom that forgiveness is an option. Think of it like this: you don’t agree with what they did but you forgive them anyways regardless if they deserve it or not. It’s not a sign of weakness. It’s being the bigger person and moving forward without holding back. Essentially forgiveness is a way of tangibly letting go.
Life should not be defined by pain. You are choosing to hold on to pain instead of letting go and welcoming happiness back in your life. So do yourself a favor and close the book of the past and never re-read it again.