I know I’ve taken quite a hiatus as my closed chapter with Mr.Big has pushed me to fly to California and keep my social life more busy than usual. I’ve even stepped out of my usual comfort zone to just truly live. It’s the first day of fall in Houston and it was less about the turn of leaf colors and more so the change of weather. In these crazy times my sleeping habits have seemed to be social distancing from my regular schedule. During this excruciating ritual of tossing and turning, lowering the temperature or reading, my mind decided to wander on a very particular subject, Ex’s. In the lieu of quarantine, I’ve seen this pop up a lot on memes, podcasts and for research I watched Season 2, ep. 18 from Sex and the City. All this time we have with our schedules completely out of wack and some of us are reaching for our phones to rekindle with the person we once laid next to. I couldn’t help but wonder…can you be just friends with an ex? Is it possible to take a relationship that was once so intimate and mold it so it fits in the friendzone?
Personally, I feel as though a friendship with an ex isn’t possible unless kids are involved but life isn’t black and grey. I’m not a huge supporter of keeping a bond that I feel like is a privilege you lose once you break up. I haven’t seen Mr. Big in what seems like ages and I honestly have no inkling to do so. Once in a while we text. If I ran into him, would I say hello and grab a cup of coffee? Possibly. Would I go out of my way to have lunch or dinner, no. I also don’t think we will be friends forever and as time progresses we probably will not keep in touch anymore.
Some can argue there’s a lot of factors to play in here. Do they have kids together? In that case, it’s healthy and shows maturity. Was the relationship toxic? How did they break up? How often do they hang out and does it cut into your time with them? Did they take time apart to get over each other? Who broke up with who? Are there clear boundaries set? Do they talk frequently? Most importantly, are they willing to meet you, the new love interest? I’ve seen a lot of mixed reactions on this subject. If you want my opinion, I don’t believe being friends with your ex. I personally think keeping a solid friendship with an ex we don’t share children with is like holding on to something that will never be vintage; just go out of style. It could be feelings you never got over, the unwillingness to let go or a part of yourself you miss. Whatever the reason, I don’t see one good enough to choose my past over my present because that’s what I feel like we are essentially doing if we refuse to let go.
I truly believe life, emotions are never really black and white but this is something that everyone handles differently. Whatever it is you choose, make sure it is something you do for yourself.
Love 6ft Apart,