This is 30

Hi Everyone,

About a week ago, I turned the big 3-0. Super odd as it felt like yesterday that I was navigating towards my 20s with love, heartbreaks, lessons I would never imagined I learned, memories I have etched in my heart and most important of all, getting to know/love myself better. 20s they say is your peak, but I would pay you a million dollars to never go back to being 21 again. I keep hearing 30s are the new 20s, but I definitely don’t want to be 22-year-old me fumbling through life

In related news, Cheslie Kryst died at the mere age of 30 after tragically jumping from a Manhattan apartment building. I didn’t quite hit me until my boyfriend sent me a text this morning from The Telegraph which stated that “she feared growing older.”  A second text after that assuring me 30 isn’t that bad. Very sweet of him as he had to bear my breakdown a week ago of tears formed from my fear of not accomplishing enough. Was it the mix of hormones, fear, self-criticism and societal pressure? Honestly, probably all of that and more. I kept reading the text over and over trying to understand my own thoughts buzzing through. How could someone so beautiful, young and successful think she did not matter in this world because of her age?

The day I hit 30, I expected some life altering emotions to drown me the way turning 25 did (in a good way). That did not happen. Instead, as I slowly opened my eyes, I could feel my boyfriend’s arms slowly grab to pull my body closer to his as he planted a kiss on my forehead. If anything, I felt calm and happy. It’s been exactly 8 days since I turned 30 and honestly, that feeling hasn’t gone away. Everyone keeps asking me how I feel but all I can say is that I am quite pleased to be in the skin I’m in. Am I standing in the exact spot I imagined I would at 25? Absolutely not. As a person who plans everything and has back up plans for her plans, I’ve welcomed changes to what I originally envisioned.

It got me thinking, women in my opinion more than men, have an immense list of checkboxes to fill out before we approach the decade traditionally catered towards motherhood. Possibly some of you out there reading this that are but there’s others like me that have taken a different path. Why is there so much pressure to be married, have kids, be successful, look young and maintain our weight or else be written off as a societal imperfection? Why are there not more articles, conversation and celebrations around turning 30 that embrace the flow of life rather than the notion that we are all meant to fit in the box? I don’t know if this would have changed Cheslie’s decision but we can prevent that from happening to anyone else. Let’s change the narrative and make the life monumental transition focused on the celebration of moving forward, seeing change, progress from the lessons of our past, celebrating whatever our hearts desires and setting positive intentions to live a meaningful journey.

Turning 30 made me realize that life does not let you dictate every turn or bump on the road. Instead, you must fix your hair, straighten out your dress and walk the catwalk owning the new season.

**If you are in Canada or US and need help, contact the US National Suicide Prevention Lifeline on 1-800-273-8255 or the Crisis Test Line by texting HOME to 741741

For support and more information on emotional distress, click here.

30 and so much more flirty with life,

Published by The Bengali Belle

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