It’s 7 a.m. and I’m staring outside my window at the W Hollywood wishing I didn’t have to leave. I’m looking around my room wishing I could stay with you another night. Never did I imagine that a love and hate relationship would turn into just love. I almost felt like I was leaving myself there, and dragging only my body back to Houston. The first time I met you, it was not what everyone told me you’d be like. I was shocked by how crass, dirty and different you were. I expected perfection and you were far from that. Although you were a fresh breath of air, you suffocated me at times too. I didn’t have the best feelings toward you but I pushed through because we all have different layers to us, and maybe I just need to find the ones you had that would appeal to me.
I spent an entire week with you. I’m not sure how time flew by so quickly. Hours felt like seconds but when we’re apart days feels like decades. I met all of your friends and even some strangers we passed by while we were on our way to Mama Shelter for dinner. Places like that make me realize how quirky you are and the type of kindness that is secretly stored away for the right people in the right moments. When it was time to leave I couldn’t wait to get back home. Although I liked you and our adventures together, I didn’t see anything long term. I thought I would never see you again and you were merely a temporary fling. That all changed recently, when I saw you again. This time I knew what to expect but you felt different. You still had that crass but you cleaned up nicely. There was a kindness that I was exposed to which you kept hidden the first time you saw me. I thought I knew my path, my feelings, my heart and what I was looking for. That all changed when you found me again. I would have never imagined that I would feel so strongly about you. I promised myself I’d never fall for you. But it’s 1 a.m. and we’re laughing too hard, dancing too fast and drinking too much and I knew I was screwed. I would have never thought that I would have dreams about you, or miss being in your light, or smile when someone mentioned your name.
We have a different relationship. A bond I never imagined I could feel, with emotions that took the soul out of my body. You and me, we’re not something anyone else could write about. I can feel your warmth from miles away as I write out these words to describe you. As the sun kisses me here I long for your rays gently brushing my skin. I like the idea of us. Two independent entities who crossed paths in a time neither of us expected, like a cosmic collision. You’re the type of soulmate that comes into one’s life like a storm, who comes and makes you question everything, who changes your reality–A person who manages to revolutionize your world leaving you restless. As I sit here at home, I feel out of place. You’ve taken me out of my element and I can’t remember what it was like before you. I keep asking myself how we got here, but maybe that’s what I needed. I needed someone to shake the life out of me and have me realize I had been running in the same place for too long. I needed something to make me forget everything I ever knew, and forget where I come from. I was falling for you and I didn’t even realize it.
Our fate is different. It is not one that keeps us together ‘til we’re old and living our last breath. No, ours is a story of two souls that needed each other in this journey of life. To learn, to love, and to explore, but not the kind that stays. It’s better this way, trust me. We will never lose the sun and sparkle. In these Texas stars, I look for you, wondering if you’re looking for me too. You’re the last thing my heart expected and now I feel like a part of me will always be with you, L.A.